Yesterday was a good day. I had lunch with my son (my Christmas gift to him) and I was happy to see him looking well. He is off the streets and working on his sobriety and his life. He said it has been six weeks since he last used.
As a mom, I was so glad to see his eyes clear and his conversation coherent. He told me that he knew his brain had a ways to go to be recovered from his years of use, but everyday he felt more "normal." He even said that he was starting to do "normal" things like watching the news and watching TV in general. As an addict, he never had the attention span nor the desire to watch TV. He was always too busy wheeling and dealing and chasing that next high.
For the first time in a very long time, my son talked of gratitude. He talked about how grateful he was to have a bed and blankets at night. He had spent close to a year on the streets and beds and blankets were few and far between in that life. Gratitude for the small things.....it's a start.
I could tell by his conversation and his actions and attitude that it had definitely been a while since he last used, and I too found much to be grateful for. As the mother of an addict though, the reality of his addiction is never too far from my mind and I am painfully aware that he is just one hit or one injection away from another relapse. Even if this time he stays clean, he will be fighting a lifelong battle with a demon that is just laying in wait to take him down again if he is feeling weak, bad, too good or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's the reality that both he and I have to live with for the rest of our days.
Al-Anon has taught me to be grateful for the moment. I am grateful in this moment, as yesterday I got a glimpse of the funny, smart and loving young man I raised. His smile was real and his presence was easy. He wasn't trying to hide anything....in that moment....and that moment was all that mattered.
Of course I hope and pray like crazy that this time my son is stronger than his addiction. I pray that he goes to meetings and not only stays sober, but learns why he started using in the beginning and how to stay away from those things that trigger him.
By getting clean, my son has had to turn his back on the only life he has known for the last few years. It was full of people, places and things that fed his addiction and kept him weak. Until recently, even living on the streets, he has had the attitude of "better the devil you know." To turn his back on what he knew and move himself into the scary unknown of sobriety, I give him huge props. I am so unbelievably proud of him.
It sucks as a parent, to have a child who has made such an accomplishment as six weeks sober, and yet not feel completely able to rejoice, but then that is my failing, not his. So for today.....I am happy and oh so grateful to see my beautiful son fighting and winning at sobriety. What he does tomorrow and in all the days to come is between him and God, but for today.....I am grateful.
As a mom, I was so glad to see his eyes clear and his conversation coherent. He told me that he knew his brain had a ways to go to be recovered from his years of use, but everyday he felt more "normal." He even said that he was starting to do "normal" things like watching the news and watching TV in general. As an addict, he never had the attention span nor the desire to watch TV. He was always too busy wheeling and dealing and chasing that next high.
For the first time in a very long time, my son talked of gratitude. He talked about how grateful he was to have a bed and blankets at night. He had spent close to a year on the streets and beds and blankets were few and far between in that life. Gratitude for the small things.....it's a start.
I could tell by his conversation and his actions and attitude that it had definitely been a while since he last used, and I too found much to be grateful for. As the mother of an addict though, the reality of his addiction is never too far from my mind and I am painfully aware that he is just one hit or one injection away from another relapse. Even if this time he stays clean, he will be fighting a lifelong battle with a demon that is just laying in wait to take him down again if he is feeling weak, bad, too good or just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's the reality that both he and I have to live with for the rest of our days.
Al-Anon has taught me to be grateful for the moment. I am grateful in this moment, as yesterday I got a glimpse of the funny, smart and loving young man I raised. His smile was real and his presence was easy. He wasn't trying to hide anything....in that moment....and that moment was all that mattered.
Of course I hope and pray like crazy that this time my son is stronger than his addiction. I pray that he goes to meetings and not only stays sober, but learns why he started using in the beginning and how to stay away from those things that trigger him.
By getting clean, my son has had to turn his back on the only life he has known for the last few years. It was full of people, places and things that fed his addiction and kept him weak. Until recently, even living on the streets, he has had the attitude of "better the devil you know." To turn his back on what he knew and move himself into the scary unknown of sobriety, I give him huge props. I am so unbelievably proud of him.
It sucks as a parent, to have a child who has made such an accomplishment as six weeks sober, and yet not feel completely able to rejoice, but then that is my failing, not his. So for today.....I am happy and oh so grateful to see my beautiful son fighting and winning at sobriety. What he does tomorrow and in all the days to come is between him and God, but for today.....I am grateful.
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